I Am A Christian

I was baptized by the Catholic church at the age of 3. Prior to that, my mom was taking me to the Presbyterian church. I grew up attending a Catholic elementary school, and later attended a Catholic (well Jesuit) university. I never felt pressured to go to church or be embarrassed that I was a Christian until I dated my ex-girlfriend, H. 

H was atheist. And while dating an atheist didn't seem like a big deal at first, it soon changed. I began to feel uncomfortable being a Christian. Any time a conversation started about God or Jesus, I would just laugh and agreed with what H was saying against Him. Soon, I lost most my faith.

Then, a big event happened and H and I broke up. Our friendship was dwindling away and I felt  alone. I had no friends living in Manhattan. The only friends I made at college the semester before, felt betrayed and forgotten because I only contacted them to vent or when I needed something. I didn't really talk to any of my friends from high school still. And the few friends I made at work and my new school didn't know about the situation. I had no one. I literally was alone. 

Weeks passed and I was depressed, until one weekend H and S (the other roommate) went back to our hometown. I decided to get out of the apartment and attend the Catholic church a couple blocks away. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. When I left  Mass, I felt refreshed. I knew I needed to keep going.

{Saint Elizabeth's Roman Catholic Church}

I attended Sunday Mass regularly at St Elizabeth's Church in Washington Heights. When I moved back home, I continued to attend Mass throughout the summer at the local church, where I continue to go today. When I went back to school in Scranton in the fall, I began to attend Sunday Mass with my friends living on my floor. In the spring semester, I began to attend daily Mass with my friend Brittany. I felt myself growing so close to God. 

When I found myself in some trouble, I began to pray constantly for God to let me stay at school. And when I wasn't able to attend the U of Scranton anymore, I felt betrayed. I just couldn't understand why this was happening to me. A couple weeks passed and I learned that God has a plan, and this is his plan for me. 

I attend church every Sunday and listen to the Sound of Life radio station in my car. I also attended a Newsboys concert with a few friends about a month ago and it was one of the best days since everything happened. 

I am proud to say I am a Christian. I am a follower of Jesus. I will praise His name wherever I go.

Here are a few of my favorite Christian pop/rock songs!

 {Video I made actually! God's Not Dead - Newsboys}

{Same Power- Jeremy Camp}

{We Believe - Newsboys}

{Guilty - Newsboys}

{Even So Come - Chris Tomlin}

Also, these three songs from Catholic Masses I have fallen in love with.

~ Taste and See

~ Like A Shepherd

~ Only A Shadow

I will leave you with this movie trailer for God's Not Dead. It is definitely a must see. 

I Am Pansexual

This week on Finding Mak, I want to share a little about my sexuality and the common misconceptions that come with it.

My first ex-girlfriend (H) told me she was pansexual before we started dating, but I kind of brushed it off as “oh that thing where you’re attracted to personality”. I never gave it much thought, until I heard the term from a bisexual friend and she had told me she didn't think I was bi. 

I decided to share with you the questions I asked H five years ago, in the hopes of shedding some light on the often misunderstood or overlooked sexual identity. These answers are how I would answer if someone asked me today. 

Give me a personal definition of pansexuality and how you relate to the term.

I think of myself of being somewhat ‘gender-blind’ when it comes to attraction and love. I believe I am capable of feeling romantic feelings towards people of all gender identities, and all biological sexes. I have always had difficulties answering that ever awkward ‘so, what are you?’ question, as since I was fifteen I never felt as if I fitted in to the realms of bisexuality or homosexuality 100%. I’ve always felt as though the gender of a person I am attracted to or have romantic feelings for becomes somewhat irrelevant to me, it’s never really bothered me.

Often, bisexuality and pansexuality are confused. How are they different?

Bisexuality, ‘bi’ implies two – male, female. To me the term bisexual tends to exclude those different gender identities within the gender spectrum. It is still somewhat conforming to gender binary, which I can’t get on board with. I did identify with the term bisexual for a little while but it never felt completely right.

What are some common misconceptions about pansexuality?

That people who are pansexual are "just being greedy" or "promiscuous" or "are just gay but can’t make up their minds/are in denial." I have had all of these things assumed of me before many times! Another common thing to hear is "eww, you find everyone attractive we can't be friends". This is not the slightest bit true. I am able to maintain friendships because I do not find everyone to be attractive. I have found a friend or two attractive at times, but I have limits and would never tell that person unless I knew they felt the same way. 

What are some things that pansexual ally’s can do to help spread awareness?

Getting through to people that pansexuality isn’t about being greedy, confused or in denial! It’s always a bummer hearing those types of things, but with more people understanding, and more people clarifying the meaning of pansexuality (along with other sexual orientations!), I’m sure that would provide some great support.

Where did you find support and information for your identity?

That beautiful thing called the World Wide Web! When I was younger and first started dating people, I did a lot of researching around different sexualities, because I was struggling to find somewhere for me to fit in.

What was your coming out experience like, and what tips would you give others who identify as pansexual?

My ‘coming out’ experience wasn’t exactly a big scene or anything. I remember being almost 16 and had just broke up with H. I was having a lot of issues with the break up and my mom asked me if we were dating. I told her we weren't really ever just friends. My parents still aren't super supportive and still say "its just a phase". It took me a while to come out to a lot of my friends, as being in high school and having a very different mentality about it proved a bit scary. I’d say that with coming out as any sexual orientation, make sure you have someone you can go to – a friend or trusted family member, or even a great source of support like Rainbow Youth to go to if you ever feel lost or upset. A great support system can be a life changer.

What have been some challenges, and what have you learnt since you recognized your pansexual identity?

The only real challenge I have faced is actually explaining the meaning of pansexuality. Lots of people I have discussed it with aren’t aware of issues like gender and gender binary, so trying to explain the different between pansexuality and bisexuality has always proven difficult!

I watched this recently and wanted to share it, which kind of clears things up while addressing the HUGE elephant in the room – the classic, “oh so you’re attracted to pans?” joke.

Liebster Award 2015

I was recently nominated by Joanna from My Pink Rambles for a Liebster award!

After spending some time with my friend Google and other bloggers in my bloggers group, I learned that the Liebster Award is passed around the blogging community to those who have fewer than 200 followers. This is simply a way of getting to know each other and gaining more readers.

If you want to accept the award, you have to:
~Say thank you to the person who nominated and link their blog
~Copy paste the Liebster badge on your post

~Nominate 10 other bloggers with less than 200 followers

~Answer the ten questions the person who nominated you asked, and then make ten more for the bloggers you nominate.

~Nominate the 10 bloggers by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here are Joanna's questions and my answers:

~What’s your blogging style?
My blogging style is life blogging. I started this blog to share my journey on finding myself.

~If you could turn back time and give your younger-self some advice, what would it be?
Well, I'm only 20 so I can't go back much younger, but it would probably be don't let others control your decisions. At one point, I let myself be controlled by an ex and I lost some friends because of it.

~What’s your favorite color?
My all time favorite is purple, but I also really like teal.

~If you could travel anywhere in the world for free, where would you go?
Ireland. I have always wanted to go there and dance...but I will never compete there, so I'll settle for just a visit.

~Describe a perfect Sunday.
Coming home from church and just relaxing.

~What’s your favorite food?
Hmm, this is a tough one... I think I would have to say Sloppy Joes.

~If you could meet any ‘famous’ person, dead or alive, who would it be?
Ellen DeGeneres. She is one of my idols.

~What’s your favorite book?
Uhm.. not too sure. It's close between "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" & "My Sister's Keeper."

~Where are you from?
A small town in New York, USA!

~Coffee or tea?

Both, honestly. Coffee in the morning, tea at night. 

The bloggers I nominate (press the blog title to go to their website):

C.A. Villeta at Struggling to be a Human Being
Margret at Margret's Yoga Party
Dominique at Journey With D
Shirri Rae at Stringfellow & Co.
Chanelle at Whole Living Large
Ruth at Parenting Children With Hurts 
Joyce at Woman Vs. World
Denise at A Tattoo on His Palm
Brianna at Unveiled and Revealed
Shannon at The Good Things Comin 

Now, here are the ten questions for the bloggers I nominated:
~What have you always wanted? Did you get it?
~What made you decide to start blogging?
~What is your greatest strength or weakness?
~If you could have personally witnessed an event in history, what would it be and why?
~What type of music do you listen to?
~What cheers you up?
~Who is your idol?
~What is your proudest habit you have broken or want to break?
~What is your favorite and least favorite word?
~What did you do to celebrate your last birthday?

Thank you so much Joanna for nominating me. I look forward to reading my nominees' posts!